Getting Over The Stigma of Online Dating

If you look online for information about online dating, you might come across articles like “Online Dating: Only For The Desperate?” or “Online Dating Stigma – Is It Gone?”

Now, it’s up for debate whether the stigma is gone or not – online dating sites (all of them combined) have well over 20 million members. Match.com alone has 15 million members!

The ultimate sign that online dating went mainstream was when Dr. Phil joined forces with Match.com to offer dating advice. However, even with Dr. Phil’s stamp of approval & the massive membership bases of these online dating sites, a stigma still surrounds the concept of online dating.

Granted, it has lessened over the years, but it’s still there. You will still find some couples trying to conceal the fact that they’ve met on the internet. For a while, I was very much against the concept of online dating. I felt like it was the easy way out – that I would be giving up on the concept of meeting people in person if I signed up for a dating site. I felt like it would make me a weak person.

In reality though – that’s an awfully silly way to think about it. First off – just because you sign up for an online dating site doesn’t mean you’re giving up on looking for love in the “traditional” ways. It’s just another avenue for you to find relationships. You can still go out to bars, clubs, libraries, parks, wherever you would look for interesting people and try to meet them there. There is no clause in your membership to online dating sites that says you can’t go outside.

With that said – just because YOU might be over the stigma of online dating doesn’t mean your friends will be. Though you shouldn’t really have to justify your actions to them, if you feel the need, here are some good ways to explain why online dating is beneficial to you – with some cheesy metaphors:

1. People in business are always talking about the concept of ‘multiple streams of income’ – why can’t you have multiple streams of dating opportunities? This allows you to find dating opportunities all the time, any time.

2. In the world of advertising, finding targeted buyers for what you are selling is the ultimate goal of your advertisements. When you see someone of the opposite sex walking down the street, you know nothing about them. In online dating, you can sift through people’s profiles and find out if they fit your type, and pick out the people who are specifically compatible with you. This saves you a lot of work, and will lower your failure rate in dating significantly.

3. The internet is designed to connect people. You’re just taking advantage of the resources given to you.
The truth is though – if you see an opportunity, take it. Online dating is a great opportunity for you. What do care about more, what your friends think, or finding the love of your life? Think like Machiavelli – the end justifies the means. You think you will care what your friends think if you’ve found the love of your life, even if it was from online dating? I don’t think so.

Now get out there!

How To Get A Second Date

Alright, so the evening is coming to a close and you’re both about to go your separate ways. Your first date went great, but you want to figure out “will there be a second date?”

While it’s important to make a great first impression – you need to figure out how you’re going to secure your second date if everything went well. Getting past the first date is a beginning sign that you might have some potential for your relationship. It’s important that as a man, you don’t leave your date hanging – and as a woman, you should express how the date went, to help influence whether there will be a second date or not.

With that said, I have some specific advice for men and women each, along with some advice that works for both sexes.
Ladies first:

1. Make sure that you’re relaxed and that you be yourself. If you get nervous, remember that your date is probably just as nervous as you are. Remember to have fun – it’s a date!

2. Don’t interrogate. There’s a fine line between being interested and interrogating your date. You need to make sure that you do not cross this line! If you are throwing question after question at him, he might become a little intimidated. My friends call this “attacking with words.” Avoid doing this as much as possible. Don’t come to the date prepared with a mental survey for your date to fill out. Just be open minded, and learn about the as much as you can – without interrogating! It’s about getting to know the person – they aren’t applying for a job.

3. Make sure that you let your date know how it went. I don’t mean to be rude and tell them “This date sucked, don’t ever call me again.” But if you didn’t have a good time – don’t tell him that you did! If you aren’t interested in someone, giving signals to that person will not end well for either party. If you had a good time, then let him know.

For Men:
1. Show genuine interest in her! You should be asking your date more questions than she is asking you. Don’t be nervous going into the date about topics of conversation – just have a couple of starters for topics and let your date take it from there. I promise you she will do her part in the conversation, and some! Just make sure that you are listening carefully to what she is talking about and ask good follow-up questions. There’s a stereotype that men don’t listen – break that stereotype by showing that you’re genuinely interested in what she’s saying.

2. Focus on positive topics. Remember, this is your first date. Don’t start talking about abortion rights (not that you would) or your religious beliefs or other controversial subjects. Stick to things that she is interested in and keep everything positive. If you start complaining & moving to negative topics, she will associate that negativity with you – and trust me, that does not reflect well on your chances for a second date.

3. Be complimentary. I don’t mean telling her she’s beautiful 13 times per hour. I would say that more than 3 comments is probably too excessive. Don’t scare your date away with excessive complimenting, but make sure that if she looks good, or you like her outfit, tell her! Just don’t say “I like your outfit…but it would look better on my bedroom floor.” Not going to end well for you.

For Men & Women

Here are 3 quick tips –
1. No cell phones!
2. Don’t bring unexpected guests – it is not appreciated.
3. Do some body language research! I will write a good post about this in the near future, so keep your eyes peeled.

Now get out there and find yourself some dates!

10 Cheap Date Ideas

By Susan B. Norris
(My Mom wrote this article – hope you enjoy it!)

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can pay a fortune at a restaurant and with-in a week or two, you’ve forgotten what it was you had to eat? Some of my best moments and/or meals have been totally unrelated to how much they cost. This is true of a date – it doesn’t have to be expensive to be fun and memorable.

Here is a list of 10 of my favorite cheap dates:

1. Explore the great outdoors. Google “find a hike near [insert your location here]” and you will probably find many nearby trails to explore. Pack a picnic lunch and some water – I’m fond of a loaf of bread, a hunk of great cheese and some fruit – but you need to float your own boat. I’d take a camera – there’s always something I want to preserve on film. You and your partner will get some exercise and some fresh air!
2. Volunteer. Check out www.volunteermatch.org and other volunteering websites for your area. You will find many opportunities to assist others. You might be asking yourself – “How does this become a cheap date?” When I volunteered with my partner to sell tickets at a lacrosse tournament it provided us with a sports event to watch, and when we were ushers for a local ballet company, we got to see the ballet!
3. Try a new sport. Notice that I’m suggesting that you try a new sport, though old sports might work just as well, depending on the personalities involved. With a new sport, it is less likely that you or your partner will have great expertise or preconceived notions of your abilities. This puts both people on an even playing field. So borrow a couple of racquets and some tennis balls, and go hit at the high school.
4. Make a meal together. This can be such a great bonding experience. You plan the menu, buy the food, and cook to your favorite music. The reward is a fabulous meal, or a disaster that you can laugh about later. Invite friends! Play a game while you’re waiting for the Beef Wellington to burn.
5. Check out a fitness center. I haven’t been to a fitness center yet that doesn’t offer a free pass for at least a couple of days to check it out before you become a member. So take your partner with you to evaluate the facility. Take advantage of any offers to have a personal trainer show you around, or read up before you go for some ideas of things that you can do together while you’re there.
6. Work on a home project. I’m sure that there is some project at your home or apartment that needs to get done, but just need a little push or help. This can be a great bonding experience (or if it isn’t, maybe he/she isn’t for you!).
7. Go to a museum. There are so many strange and wonderful museums out there for you to discover. Again, if you Google “museums near [insert your location here]” you will find numerous options.
8. Check out programs at your local library. At local libraries there are often many interesting events to take advantage of. I have been to lectures by local and sometimes national authors on various topics. There was a cooking demonstration by an author of a new cookbook. Often there are free films being shown at our library. I have attended free musical events sponsored by the library – check it out!
9. Go to a crafts festival. Depending on the event, you will find craft fairs that have little or no cover charge. For me attending a crafts fair is like going to a museum where the creators of the objects sold are usually very happy to share the secrets of their creative process. Inevitably I find myself spending the most time at a booth where the items sold are humorous – great for a guffaw or tee-hee.
10. Go to a local or state fair. This was my absolute favorite cheap date of recent history. There was so much to see, and smell. I have hundreds of photos of farm animals, large vegetables, and people. There were horses pulling huge, heavy crates competitively, animals dressed in their finest (or funniest) for a parade, bake sales, etc, etc. Oh, and of course, my personal favorite, the pigs.

So get out there with your date and explore the many free and/or inexpensive dating options that are available to you. What have you got to lose? – not money!

Top 5 Tips For Writing A Great Personal Ad

One of the great things about online dating is that you get to avoid the stressful situation of having to approach people. Online dating is definitely a quicker and easier way for singles to meet – and it prevents the embarrassment of a failed approach. With that said, you may have taken the path of online dating, created a personal ad, and not received any responses to your requests to meet or communicate. It’s likely that your problem is a poorly created personal ad. It’s important that you put a lot of thought and effort in your ad to make it effective – otherwise you could end up wasting a lot of time on these dating sites without ever actually getting a date!

In today’s online dating environment, it’s important to be clever, informative, and effective with your personal ads. You have to make sure that you’re presenting yourself in the right way, and it’s important that you’re interacting and chatting as often as you can. You need to prove to people that you are who you say you are. Remember that writing a personal ad is kind of like writing a love letter to your future partner.

With that said, here are my top 5 tips for writing a great personal ad.

1. Before you even begin, take a self survey – figure out what it is that you believe in, who you are, and what you are looking for. The better you are able to figure this out, the more success you will have in writing a great personal ad. Gather as much information that you can about yourself so that when you begin to write your ad – all the information you need is right there for you. The better you are able to express yourself and what you want in your ad, the more success you will have in attracting the responses that you want. Most online dating sites have questionnaires and surveys that you can help you with getting all the information that you need.

2. Test, test, test. I know that first impressions are very important, but the simple fact is that you’re not going to get your ad to be perfect the first time you write it. Firstly, make sure that you save a copy of your initial personal ad to Microsoft word or some sort of word program so that you can have something to refer back to and use if you plan on signing up for multiple dating sites. Once you have your ad written, show it to someone whose judgment you trust. Get as much feedback as you can, make changes here and there, and eventually you will have the perfect ad that you can use for all of the dating sites that you want. By then, however, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of responses and requests to meet you.

3. Make sure that you have a killer headline in your ad! For your headline, make sure that it’s catchy and grabs people’s attention. If it’s a bland “I’m a 32 year old male looking for a date.” Good luck. You need to make sure that it’s visible and that it generates interest in you and your ad. Having a great headline is one of the most important things in getting people to respond to your personal ad! It’s the gateway for your prospects to get to know you – don’t rush it! Entire books and courses have been created just on the subject of headline writing, so if you can’t figure out how to write a good one for your personal, look around for some good copywriting/marketing information. You’d be surprised how far a little marketing knowledge will take you in online dating – you have to learn how to sell yourself (not literally!).

4. Be positive in your ad. Try to avoid writing anything negative, or whiny in your ad. Don’t talk about your previous bad relationships, don’t talk about how ugly you think you are – be positive! People are attracted to confidence and positivity – no one likes someone who complains all the time! The only reason to write anything negative in your ad is if it is a deal-breaker. If you can’t date anyone who smokes, then write that. If there are religious or moral factors that you need to avoid, make sure those are out in the open. Save yourself the time of getting to know someone only to realize that they are incompatible with you.

5. Honesty is the best policy. I hope that this is not a groundbreaking rule for you! Honesty will pay off in the long run. People will be disappointed if you lie about your habits, weight, looks, age, etc. and they find out the truth later. For the necessary information, be honest. However, with that said, don’t be afraid to omit certain things. If you’re a huge football fan, you can say “I enjoy football and usually watch it on Sundays.” Don’t say “I am obsessed with football, I play in 5 fantasy football leagues, watch every game with every team, and am constantly on twitter messaging my favorite players from my favorite team.” Even if that’s true…it’s probably better that you leave that out. I think you can understand how that would work with other hobbies. We call that the honest understatement – you don’t have to go in-depth about all of the things that you like to do.